The Legend of Carter the Farter

 
There lives not a man who is braver or smarter
Than the legend that's known as Carter the Farter
If you ever want to visit this fine fellow
He's easy to find since his neighbours turned yellow
And when he lets go with a dangerous fume
Be sure to leave him with plenty of room
But he's not just your typical hillbilly slob
Carter the Farter is proud of his job
 
Its amazing to watch him perform with aplomb
As he casually lets go one stink of a bomb
His beard starts to bristle and his whole body quakes
His belly makes noises as if it really aches
As this starts to happen then its time to run
But to Carter the Farter its just part of the fun
So when he gets that mischievous look in his eyes
You'd better clear out is my word to the wise
 
Before you write him off as some kind of clown
Let me tell you his story of worthy renown
 
One day it happened at Town Central Bank
Something for which the people have Carter to thank
When the robbers said, "Give us your money or die!"
Carter took a deep breath and then said with a sigh,
"Pardon me for being so rudely abrupt
But I must warn you of something soon to erupt;
Something is happening, I think its ka-boom
And if I were you folks I'd leave lots of room"
 
Hearing this the people all panicked and scurried
Knowing about Carter, you can bet that they hurried
Seeking refuge under any table or chair
But the robbers were caught completely unaware
You see these men were new to this town
And hadn't yet heard of Carter's renown
What happened next? It happened so fast!
I doubt that the robbers ever got over the blast
 
The fact that he warned them but never before
Let them know that he had something special in store
Any man with intent indoors to let off that smell
Is brave enough to face any foul demon in hell
For a while afterward the place sort of stank
But it was Carter who saved the folks at the bank
As he advises those encumbered by gas
Just relax and be sure that this too shall "pass"
 
There are many talents one can learn, buy or barter